Celebrity Apprentice Australia #2

Ladies and Gentleman, I hope you're ready, because here it is.

Welcome to the "Not Happy Jan" episode of Celebrity Apprentice Australia,
and I must say, you know things are about to get juicy, the moment you spot the infamous
sideways man bitch glance.
I'd recognize it a mile off.

We start things off with a recap of last week, and how the girls put their best assets forward.

HA HA THATS SO PUNNY.

Step aside Jesinta,

Mamma P's Pretty Perky Posterior is in town.

We are then reminded of Team Unity's sad, sad loss.
You could almost say that Max Cue Ball was a little bit unhappy about it.

To get our mind off the devastation we feel for the men's team, we now switch to Bouris' Babes.

Deni, today dressed as Princess Leia,

 proposes a toast to Mumma P who has finally put on some undies.

Or something like that.

"What can I say? I just can't keep my pants on!"

"OH Pauline, you cheeky thing! BEHAVE!"

Shane can be seen in the background,
attempting to gouge his eyes out after visualising
Mamma P without pants on.

We switch back to the bored room, where Mister Bouris asks the men how much money they think they raised as individuals.

Ladies and Gentleman, the statics are in! Here is the score board, according to the men.

Coming in at 1st Place, for believing he raised $50,000 is Max Cue Ball!

2nd Place goes to Shane, for believing he raised between $15,000 to $20,000.

Didier comes in at third place, believing he raised $6,200.

Jason manages to scrape in at fourth place, with a supposed $5000.

Followed closely by Wawrick Baseball Cap-per, who attempts to take credit for the $3000 donation by ZOO. Because he worked there. No, he didn't actually ring them, Max Cue Ball did, but that doesn't matter. That one is all thanks to Wawrick.

And scraping the bottom of the donation barrel is WenDell Laptop- who reckons he brought in $1000.

Alright alright, you can stop the applause now, because it's time to hear some REAL NUMBERS.
The scores have been counted, and the new Score Board now reads....

Max Cue Ball,  $36,5000
Shane, $30,500
Didier, $5000
Jason, $1000
WenDell Laptop, $250
Wawrick Baseball Cap-per, $20, and something about a lobster.
But it's OK that Wawrick came last, because he got shirts made up with great colours, and didn't have time to ring up any of his contacts for donations.

No time what so ever.
He had a very busy schedule that day.

Max Cue Ball was pretty adamant that he raised $50,000.
Turns out he only raised $35,000.
Max is not happy.

Warwick tells Mr Bouris that he worked as hard as he could on the day, and couldnt do much better.

Wawrick can be seen here, resting.

In fact, he worked so hard that Shane decided to treat
him to a sponge bath.

Max Cue Ball tells Mr Bouris that "we broke the world record for raising money in terms of a car wash, but somebody else broke the world record on the same day."
MMMM. That's awkward, isn't it? Maybe you shouldn't have kept a certain client waiting for half an hour?

"Aussie bum came along, committed Five Thousand Dollars to us, then they dissapeared. I don't know why. I guess they were waiting too long."

No, i'm pretty sure they didn't mind waiting. I mean, if I was going to pay $5,000 to have MY car washed, i'd be more than happy to wait in a line for an hour.

Well anyway, speaking of Aussie Bums, it appears that Mr Bouris is attempting to give himself a bum chin.
Just thought I should point that out.

pretty cool, huh?

Jason tells Mr Bouris "Max told Didi and I that we were making $30,000 for the truck, when we only made $3,000."
Max denies this. Apparantly he only said it was $3,000.
I guess they didn't teach Jason maths in dancing school.
Either that, or all the hair from the top of Max Cue Ball's head is actually inside his ears, preventing him from  hearing properly.

uhhh... what was that?

Max decides that "maybe we should have made it $5,000 minimum."
Yes Max, great idea. Because i'm sure that would have fixed the problem, and attracted many, many more customers.

Wawrick reckons that one of his friends drove for an hour to get his car washed, and wanted to pay $100, but was turned away by Max.
Max also apparently told Didier that "the $25 and $50 off the street is not going to make a difference." Because last time I checked, this show isn't about raising as much money for charity as possible, it's just about winning, to prove who has a better list of rich contacts.

Deni Heinz Beans tells us that "Max will learn from this experience that he should have collected as much money as possible, even if it was small amounts." 


Julie tells us that "I'll tell you what Max will learn from this experience, when he sees himself, is a couple of green tea bags under his eyes just to lift a little bit HAHAHA"
Come on now Julie, one more glass of champagne and you might start making sense!

WARNING. THE FOLLOWING SCENE IS RATED MA15+.

Julie then goes in for a big smooch with Shane, after he says "Max's strategy was a disaster."

OH YES SHANE, YES. YES. YES!!

I think I even saw her slip in a bit of tongue.

After the kiss, Julie decides to take my earlier advice and "have another glass of champagne"
Good idea Julie, good idea. Hopefully when you wake up in the morning, you won't remember anything of your night with Shane.

Shane tells Mr Bouris that Max was running around like... Mad Max, and was "out of control."
I can't imagine Max would be too pleased about being called a name like that. Although, I can't really tell how he feels about it, seeing as his face always seems to be stuck permanently in one expression.

This is Max's face when
Shane calls him Mad Max.

This is Max's face when he is told
that he raised $36,500 for charity.

This is Max hearing that
a cure for Cancer has been found.

This is Max's face when looking at a
bucked full of kittens, puppies,
chocolate, cupcakes, sunshine and daisies.

this is Max when someone starts talking
about a thing called "hair."

Doesn't give much away, that man.

When Mr Bouris asks Max who he would like to bring back to the board room, he chooses "Wawwick Cappa, and Wawwick Cappa"
He then chooses Wen-Dell Laptop, to make it an even 3. Because Max is good at counting.

Wawrick, when being interviewed outside the bored room, tells us he is the comedy king. Reflected in his joyous and fun behaviour throughout the show so far.

He also tells us that his fellow team members are like cane toads. They have the personality of cane toads.

You got a problem with us, buddy?

And suddenly, we switch to a realistic receptionist, "Olivia", who sits at a table, this week featuring a toshiba laptop, calculator, diary and a cup of coloured pencils,
who's soul job is to say "yes sir" and
"Missah Bawwis will see you now", after which she can resume playing Tetris.

Max now tells Mr Bouris that he brought wawrick in for not making any money, as well as the fact that..
 "He's a party animal, fun fun fun."

Warwick can be observed here,
being a party animal.

Wawrick then pleads his case, after Mister Bouris asks why Max Cue Ball Bought him in to the board room.

"umm I did um.. go outside and uh have a cup at the breaks, but actually did have a disahlaated finger last week so I was a little bit sore."

"why shouldn't I fire you, Wawrick?" Asks Mister B.
"Coz i'm um.. a hard worker."

clearly.

"i'm one of the most well known people in Austrayah.. I can get people in. and I think i'm good for the team."
Hence your huge contribution and participation in the car wash challenge.

Dell reckons he's been bought in to the bored room coz he didnt bring in the cash,
but he'd fire Wawrick.
Because apparantly Wawrick bought fun to the table, but at the car wash, he upset the balance.

Dell then goes on to tell Mr Bouris "you shouldnt fire me, coz i worked damn hard. I worked hard the whole day"
Come on now Dell, lets be honest here. You didn't work anywhere near as hard as Wawrick.

Ok, i'm just going to interject for a minute here...
The men keep going on about the fact that they lost the challenge because they lost the $5,000 that Aussiebum was going to donate.
So.. They really think that the Aussiebum guys would donate to team Unity, and then drive right on by Pauline Hanson and skip the opportunity to see her Aussiebum?
No. Come on guys, I mean honestly, even if team Unity had got the Aussiebum $5,000 donation, they STILL would have lost, because the Aussiebum man would still have donated money to Pauline. He wouldn't miss the opportunity he had in front of him.

Anyway,

Mr Bouris tells Warwick, "You are a man of notoriety, but you raised zero and i think properly managed, your notoriety could have been made better use of."
To which Wawrick replies- "that's probably correct words".
He wouldn't actually know if they were correct though, seeing as words like notoriety are far out of his vocabulary.

Max cue ball stays in because he raised over $30,000.
Dell Laptop raised $250, so he stays,
and surprise surprise, Warwick Capper having raised ZERO, is eliminated.
which is about as surprising as hearing that no one in Australia likes Julia Gillard.

Wawrick then walks out into the cold night, and catches the midnight train BMW going anywhere.....

Oh, and it appears that he is also escorted by police cars.

In the ride home, Wawrick then describes what he thinks of Max, with a rude hand gesture.

Charming, Wawrick.

Well shit, i'm happy that man's been fired. I was getting really annoyed with having to constantly correct his name from Warwick to Wawrick.

Anyway, I know i'm a few days late with each of these, but the episodes take time to go over with a fine tooth comb! So give me a break.
And stay tuned for Episodes 3 and 4! Coming soon!

Read about episode #1 here, if you haven't already.
http://pifkie.blogspot.com/2011/10/celebrity-apprentice-australia-1.html

Now, go do something productive!
<3 Alex